Life's Vacation

I have never experience to be out there by myself with my colleagues and just plain having fun
You know Im a bit a paranoid person I dont usually allow myself to be extremely happy for i dont want to be extremely sad
Childish fears that I find difficulty to overcome.Getting there

My colleagues are nice people. Sometimes I find myself wondering if they are genuine or not
Maybe they are but the paranoia kills me to the bones
They have been just plain nice and super understanding but somehow I feel like I am messing it all up

Maybe I should try to start to live it up a bit
I really want to break free sometimes and discover that other side of me I have never really seen
Who am I when I am caught off-guard when I am just plain silly and trying to have some fun?
Who am I???

I know Im just plain silly and stupid to my closest friends but for others I am the silent type
The truth is I am always afraid
And I hate fear as my companion. No one really got to know the innermost me

I started this with a thought of discussing my great experience
Somehow it took an ugly detour


i wil make up for it next time.
no color no script just the way it is

But for now this is what I am feeling

Now im confused am I truly happy or sad?